I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
