i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize