so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
