I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
