Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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