i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
