My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
