Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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