Sober January is a disaster.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
