i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
