I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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