Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
