Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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