I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
