just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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