Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
