a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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