I cannot find my penis.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
