She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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