weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Drake has all the answers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
