He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
