You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
