Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize