I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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