In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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