Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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