Little spoons don't ask big questions
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
