There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
