I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
