you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
