All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
