Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
