maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
