Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
