oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
