Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
