would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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