She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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