New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
