I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
