I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
