Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
