i would punch a child for taco bell
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
