I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
