I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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