just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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