I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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