I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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