She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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