dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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