apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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