I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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