A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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