is your mom at the bar?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
