I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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