She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize