he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
