this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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