Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Randomize
