so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
