I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
