I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
