it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
