Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
