I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
