Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
