When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
