would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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