That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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