your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
