what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
