he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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