you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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