We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
