so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
