The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
