i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
