she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
bring money and cleavage
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm gonna fight the coyote
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
