I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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