btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
