I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
