$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
