Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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