Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize