so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
