Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
