i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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