She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
