I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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