My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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