I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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