it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
